I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize