So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
