you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
