we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize