i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
