Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
