Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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