it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
