Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You made out with two different species that night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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