when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
my liver is dry heaving
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
