For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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