she was so not down for the gang bang
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
