She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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