Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
