there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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