VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
