I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
