her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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