is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
