my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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