I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
