Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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