At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
