Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
