he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
