The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
