did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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