On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
