I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
