Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize