called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
