The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
