You can't special order awesome
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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