I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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