don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
