I got chris browned last night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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