If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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