yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
