i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize