You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
