That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
