fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize