I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
