So drunk its hurt
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
