Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
