Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
