In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
