it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
