So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
