I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
