Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
