Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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