I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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