im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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