were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
