So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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