it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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