Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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