sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
