i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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