Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
