i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
