my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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