Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My balls are so social today.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
