How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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