my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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