I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
