its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize