I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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