I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
