I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
