i think my tv is drunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
