those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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