i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sext me about skeletons
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
