Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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