p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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