but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
