I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
