Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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