How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
