yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
