how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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