Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
