u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
