i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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