Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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