even my farts smell like vagina
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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