even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
