Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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