I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
