Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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