you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
