Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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