2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
