Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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