I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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