We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's always time for handjobs
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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