we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
being pregnant is like rehab
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
